It began with a vision board.

pigeon sitting on a ledge
Yes, it began with a vision board.

With a stack of magazines, scissors, a cork board and pins, one weekend during the Spring of 2007, I set off to put together a vision board.

College boy was watching sports on television as he often did during the weekends of his high school years.

College boy asked, “Mom, WHAT are you doing?”

“I am making a vision board,” I replied.

“A vision board?”

“Yes, a vision board. You should make one, too!” I said.

“I am making a vision board with all the things I want to focus on to manifest in my life. You should make one too! You want to be a pilot? Cut out a picture of an airplane and imagine yourself flying that plane. You want to get into Embry Riddle? Cut out the school logo and put that on your board.”

College Boy made his vision board. He got into Embry Riddle and he got his Private Pilot’s license, too! The vision board worked.

My vision board included:

  • A man with a beautiful smile wearing jeans and a denim shirt sitting in a log cabin looking out a window. Looking out across a vast open landscape.
  • A diamond solitaire ring
  • Horses
  • A happy couple walking hand in hand
  • The words: love, happiness, joy, together, laughter, etc.

I was visualizing meeting a wonderful man that was happy and with whom I could sit and cuddle with. A man that would ask me to marry him and we would love each other forever. We would have a life of love, laughter and happiness forever and ever. We would proudly walk hand in hand.

Now for the horses. I am not sure why I had included the horses on my vision board. I just knew at the time that they represented calmness to me. They represented a life away from the craziness of the city. I thought maybe I would like to go visit a dude ranch in Montana.

It was only a few months after I created my vision board that I would meet Mr. Rancher.
It was only a few months after I created my vision board that I would find out that I, too, had manifested the relationship that I had so desired and deserved! Yes, I deserved to be in a relationship.

Mr. Rancher wore jeans and often wore denim shirts embroidered with his brand above the shirt pocket.
Mr. Rancher had owned a cattle ranch in the past and was looking to own another cattle ranch. He was looking for a woman that would like the life of living on a cattle ranch. He was looking for a woman who wanted to be loved and cuddled. He was looking for a woman to live the rest of his life with. I was intrigued.

It didn’t take long before I was wearing that diamond solitaire.

It didn’t take long before Mr. Rancher purchased another cattle ranch. A place where we would call home. A place where we would share our love for one another and live a loving life full of happiness and love…

So I thought…

Mom, I am having a baby.

Words "I support you" on photo with pigeons on a telephone line.

Would these be the words

I have needed to hear to change my life?


My life.

Yes, my life.

It wasn’t quite what I thought it would be like. Not at this age. Not with this man.

I thought it would be…different.

I thought I would be…happy.

I thought…

I thought…

I thought I had meant my Prince Charming.

Yes, I thought…

Until the day I moved in with him…

That is when things began to change.

I heard that this often happened with middle of life relationships.
I had heard that people change once they “get you.” Once the “chase” is over.
I had heard that but I am smarter then other women. I am intuitive. I read people well. I am not easily fooled. That won’t happen to me.

Well. It did happen to me. He changed the minute I moved in with him. He changed.

So this day Sissy and New Husband whom I call The Kids, knew they needed to tell me that they were expecting a little one. They thought I might need to know this. They thought it might help me with decisions that I needed to make.

Decisions.

Yes, I needed to make decisions.

I needed to decide if I was going to stay in this relationship.
I needed to decide if I was going to move out in the middle of no where to a cattle ranch.
I needed to decide if I was really in a relationship that I could embrace for the rest of my life.
I needed to decide if I wanted to move away from my children, away from my friends, away from the state of California that I have grown to love.
I needed to decide what I would do for a living.
I needed to decide what I wanted my role as a Grandmother would be.
Would I be a distant Grandmother that my grandchildren would see during the holidays and for summer vacations. Or…did I want to be a Grandmother that knew my grandchild really well.
A grandmother that would be there when needed.
A grandmother that made it a point to see their grandchild on a weekly basis.

I needed to decide…

I am back..NOT that anyone missed me

Pam McCoy
I am back to Random Pocket Notes.

Not that you care.

Not that you missed me.

This is about me.

About having a place to escape.

Escape with my thoughts.

Exposing a little..yes, a little, creative writing.

Is it creative?

Who is judging?

Mr. Herbold, my 10th grade English teacher?

My Mom or Dad?

My kids?

My friends?

My future employers?

My future husband?

God?

Does it matter?

God is the only one that ultimately matters.

He is first.

He is my leader.

And, you know, even HE won’t judge me.

He will accept me for who I am.

He will accept me for what I say and what I think.

He will always be here…caring.

So I am back to Random Pocket Notes.

Sharing…

Opening up…

Sharing…

Crying…

Sharing…

Laughing…

Sharing…

Loving…

Will I share more then I should?

Maybe.

The thing is, I need to share…for me!

I need to share for you.

I need to share for you whom may be experiencing some of the same joys and sorrow that I am experiencing.

I need to share for you whom may be scared to take action but from my experience and words it will help give you the power and courage to leave, to move on, to love, to laugh, to cry…to share.

Let’s have a relationship here…

Yes, here on Random Pocket Notes.

Comment here.

Share here.

Or if it is all you can do is listen, then by all means LISTEN!

Love and hugs.

Randomly,

PJ Mom

Is it Failure or Part of the Journey?

Is it failure or is it part of the journey; part of His plan?

Road goes on and on....

The journey…
The long journey of life…
The unknown routes that are put in front of us…
The twist and turns…

The twist and turns that we don’t know about…

The twist and turns of life.

The twist and turns of His plan.

There is a reason for every one of us on this earth.
There is a reason why we are faced with certain trials and tribulations.
There is a reason certain people come in and out of our lives.

It is all part of His plan for us.

His plan!

We are part of that plan.
We get to make our own decisions.
We get to decide if we want to be on His road or our own.

But what I have come to find out as a middle aged empty nest mom…

It is a whole lot easier if you go His way!
It is a whole lot easier if you just have faith and go His way!
His way!

We all know His way will be the best way…
at least in the long run.

Ok, I know, it is the best way in the short run, the long run, all the time!

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