Is it Failure or Part of the Journey? His Plan?

On the Road

The last two years I have spent learning.

Not listening. Learning.

I was taking an opportunity put in front of me to educate myself for a new career path.

When I was laid off from my job (what a humbling experience that is), I decided it would be a great time to explore other career opportunities.

I took a medical terminology class for starters. I did well in the class–received an A. I also received some knowledge about what I didn’t want to do with my life. I explored being an Occupational Therapist and an Ultra Sound Technician but I discovered that my stomach wouldn’t be able to take those jobs. I interviewed workers in these fields. The Occupational Therapist told me some patients are not able to control their bodily functions. The Ultra Sound Technician informed me it isn’t just about the pregnant moms, you can be put in the Emergency Room where someone comes in all cut up. Enough said here, I barely could clean up my own kids bodily functions when they were little. No way that I can be around a strangers! Bless you Ultra Sound Technicians and Occupational Therapist. Bless you for being able to do that job!

I then stumbled upon an Internet Marketing Class at University of San Francisco. This sounded interesting. I didn’t know much about the computer then. I did not understand what the whole Internet Marketing business was at the time…but it sounded interesting. I decided to take one class and I was hooked. I could not believe what I was learning. It was very interesting.

One class led to another and before you knew it I had a Master Certificate in Internet Marketing.

A Certificate in Internet Marketing…now what?

I felt like I needed to know more about web design and programming to really be able to do an Internet Marketing job well. I need to know how to blog and write HTML code and CSS.

I decided I would go back and take…more classes! I signed up for a web design and programming program. I loved that program! The classes were self-paced and I completed each course faster than anyone had done before me. Wow! I am on to something! This is going to be great! I received my certificate in web design and programming.

I started building my own websites. Oh, my goodness! Buildiing websites are a lot harder when you don’t have a lesson plan and an instructor to call upon every time you get stuck.

This is really hard…this web design business.

I volunteered to help many companies with their websites/blogs. I added SEO and got many of them within the first page for their keywords.

During this volunteer web design position, I discovered something about myself.

I need people!

I need people to intereact with.

I need people to talk to.

I need people…not a machine.

I don’t like having a relationship with my computer.
I don’t like being alone with my computer.
I don’t want to do web design and programming for a living.

But wait! I have just spent the last two years developing these skills (and confidence) for this new career.

If I quit now, I am a failure. A failure!Cattle Ranch Gal stuck in the mud.
I have never looked at any bump in the road or detour as a failure.

I have looked at all these twist and turns and bumps and detours as part of His plan.

His plan! Not my plan! His plan!

His plan of teaching me lessons in order to help others in the future.

Now I can choose to look at my situation as a failure or I can choose to look at it as part of His plan.

Maybe I needed to go through these classes to learn skills for something bigger and better.

Everything is always bigger and better when you Believe. When you have Faith. When you walk His way.

So as I decide today that I am no longer going to pursue a career in web design and programming, I AM going to pursue a life and career that follows His journey for me. His road. His dream for me. I will be the facilitator. I will let his words flow through me. I will listen. I will trust. I will have faith. Without any of that….I am alone.
 
 

Hello Up There!

Hello???

Hey, You up there!!!

Have you forgotten about me???

I thought when you pray that you are suppose to get answers?

Hello??? Are you listening to me???

I have been talking to you for a long time! I have even raised my voice a few times at you hoping you would listen.

Hellllllloooooooooo???
Old Rugged Door
I am ready for the next door. Why aren’t you opening it? Haven’t I learned enough lessons? What more do you have to teach me at this stop on my journey? Do I still have more lessons to learn here at this place? Can you please just teach them to me so we can move on, please? Pretty please with sugar on top?

I want the next door to open. Every door I have tried to open in the last two years won’t open.
Doors with Ristas
Why is that? I am not choosing the correct door? Ok, I am not getting it! I am not seeing the door you want opened. I need a hint. No, I need you to put it directly smack in front of my face so I see it. So I see it so clearly that it will be impossible to miss.
Old Red Door
Yes, I know, I like doors but only pictures of doors …not figuratively to keep trying to open for my life path.

They say when one door closes another opens. I believe that has always been the case in my lifetime. The door has always opened immediately. What are we waiting for this time? In my eyes, it is taking way too long to get the next door open.
Doors- Santa Rosa, NM Church
Wait! I think I might get it now…

In the past when one door closed another opened almost immediately because I had faith! I had faith that you were in charge and had a plan for me. I believed that when something bad happened that it gave me strength and wisdom to help others in the future that may be going through the same situation that I had gone through. I had faith that you would take care of me and help me make the best decision possible.

We had a strong relationship. I shared your love. I had trust. I had faith. I believed.

Is the lesson that you have been trying to teach me over the last couple of years that I can’t move forward without that love, trust, faith and belief? Is that the lesson? Is that what you have been waiting for in order to allow me to move forward to the next place on this journey?
Santa Fe Courtyard Door
Ok. I got it now.

Ok. I will admit it here for the world to know.

I LOST MY FAITH!

It is not that I really LOST it. It is that I just put it way back on the back burner and forgot about it. I forgot to live by it every day. I got lost.

Lost in the poor me.

Lost in the what now?

Lost in the I can’t believe this happened to me.

Lost in the what was I thinking?

Lost in the why did I do that?

Lost, lost, lost, lost, LOST!

But the great thing is, I am no longer lost any more…

Well, I kind of sort of am! But now I am working on my faith again. Thanks to “My One Word” blog I have chosen my word for the year…faith. I have put the word in bold as my screensaver so every time I sit down at my computer I see it. (I also included the words joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, and compassion.)
Doors- St Helena Church
I have gone back to church.

Hello, up there! Can we please have a truce? I am admitting to you now that I have forgotten to have you in my life through my faith and trust in you. I am admitting to you that I have not been worshipping with others in your house. I am admitting to you that I will trust. I will believe.

What I want to say here “It is time for that door to open!” but I know what I need to say is “I am ready for that door to open when you think it is time.” That is hard to say and believe.

I have faith that the door will open when you are ready for it to open.

Thank you for your love, support, trust, guidance, compassion, generosity, hope, kindness, empathy, humility, and compassion.
my-word-faith
This is my new screensaver!

Are you struggling with doors not opening?

Frogs Make Me Smile 3/365

3/365 Frogs Fill My Smiles Bucket

Anytime I see a frog, I think about Prince Charming.

When I think of Prince Charming, I think about love, dreams, fairytails, and Disneyland!

I believe in love and dreams. I believe all your dreams WILL come true! I believe everygirl WILL find her Prince Charming!

I also love these little toys! My Father-In-Law use to have a basket full of them on his coffee table. We had so much fun with these little toys. We would try to get all 20 or 30 of them going at the same time!

Memories!

Memories make me smile!

Filling my Smiles Bucket one day at a time!

Smile!
PJ

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