She is on her way!

Baby stuffed animals
She is on her way.

Yep! She is on her way and I am going to be a Grandma.

A Grandma!

Imagine that!

I am going to be a Grandma!

Oh, my! It has been 39 weeks since my little girl conceived.

My little girl that has grown up to be a beautiful lady both inside and out.

My sweet little girl is going to have a baby! ANY DAY!

I have not allowed myself to think about it much over the last 39 weeks.

Not that I wasn’t excited but more to give The Kids (Sissy and New Husband) their space and privacy. I knew if I thought about it too much I would be writing post here and talking about it on Facebook. Maybe The Kids didn’t want the world to know what was going on in their life. Maybe they wanted their peace.

So here…

As we get closer to the due date, I write this post.

Sweet Little Mac (that is what we call the baby, Little Mac) will be here any time.

And what does this Grandma (Grandma Jammer as The Kids call me) have to say about the soon to arrive baby?

What does this Granma Jammer have to say about being a Grandma?

I CAN NOT WAIT AND I AM FEELED WITH JOY!

God is such an awesome God!

He planned this all perfectly!

God always knows what he is doing. We just need to kick back and let him have the rein. I have learned (well I still need reminders quite often) that you might as well let God have the reins because if you don’t…the ride is going to be mighty bumpy.

I have been praying every morning to God. I pray for lots of things along with being grateful but one of the things that I pray for everyday is for God to guide his loving hand in the birth of Little Mac. To allow Sissy to have a fairly easy birth with no complications. For Little Mac to come out healthy, happy and full of God’s love. (Oh, there are some other specific things I prayed for, too, with God but I plan to keep those between God and me.)

Little Mac, I am waiting for your arrival with open arms and an open heart.

It began with a vision board.

pigeon sitting on a ledge
Yes, it began with a vision board.

With a stack of magazines, scissors, a cork board and pins, one weekend during the Spring of 2007, I set off to put together a vision board.

College boy was watching sports on television as he often did during the weekends of his high school years.

College boy asked, “Mom, WHAT are you doing?”

“I am making a vision board,” I replied.

“A vision board?”

“Yes, a vision board. You should make one, too!” I said.

“I am making a vision board with all the things I want to focus on to manifest in my life. You should make one too! You want to be a pilot? Cut out a picture of an airplane and imagine yourself flying that plane. You want to get into Embry Riddle? Cut out the school logo and put that on your board.”

College Boy made his vision board. He got into Embry Riddle and he got his Private Pilot’s license, too! The vision board worked.

My vision board included:

  • A man with a beautiful smile wearing jeans and a denim shirt sitting in a log cabin looking out a window. Looking out across a vast open landscape.
  • A diamond solitaire ring
  • Horses
  • A happy couple walking hand in hand
  • The words: love, happiness, joy, together, laughter, etc.

I was visualizing meeting a wonderful man that was happy and with whom I could sit and cuddle with. A man that would ask me to marry him and we would love each other forever. We would have a life of love, laughter and happiness forever and ever. We would proudly walk hand in hand.

Now for the horses. I am not sure why I had included the horses on my vision board. I just knew at the time that they represented calmness to me. They represented a life away from the craziness of the city. I thought maybe I would like to go visit a dude ranch in Montana.

It was only a few months after I created my vision board that I would meet Mr. Rancher.
It was only a few months after I created my vision board that I would find out that I, too, had manifested the relationship that I had so desired and deserved! Yes, I deserved to be in a relationship.

Mr. Rancher wore jeans and often wore denim shirts embroidered with his brand above the shirt pocket.
Mr. Rancher had owned a cattle ranch in the past and was looking to own another cattle ranch. He was looking for a woman that would like the life of living on a cattle ranch. He was looking for a woman who wanted to be loved and cuddled. He was looking for a woman to live the rest of his life with. I was intrigued.

It didn’t take long before I was wearing that diamond solitaire.

It didn’t take long before Mr. Rancher purchased another cattle ranch. A place where we would call home. A place where we would share our love for one another and live a loving life full of happiness and love…

So I thought…

Mom, I am having a baby.

Words "I support you" on photo with pigeons on a telephone line.

Would these be the words

I have needed to hear to change my life?


My life.

Yes, my life.

It wasn’t quite what I thought it would be like. Not at this age. Not with this man.

I thought it would be…different.

I thought I would be…happy.

I thought…

I thought…

I thought I had meant my Prince Charming.

Yes, I thought…

Until the day I moved in with him…

That is when things began to change.

I heard that this often happened with middle of life relationships.
I had heard that people change once they “get you.” Once the “chase” is over.
I had heard that but I am smarter then other women. I am intuitive. I read people well. I am not easily fooled. That won’t happen to me.

Well. It did happen to me. He changed the minute I moved in with him. He changed.

So this day Sissy and New Husband whom I call The Kids, knew they needed to tell me that they were expecting a little one. They thought I might need to know this. They thought it might help me with decisions that I needed to make.

Decisions.

Yes, I needed to make decisions.

I needed to decide if I was going to stay in this relationship.
I needed to decide if I was going to move out in the middle of no where to a cattle ranch.
I needed to decide if I was really in a relationship that I could embrace for the rest of my life.
I needed to decide if I wanted to move away from my children, away from my friends, away from the state of California that I have grown to love.
I needed to decide what I would do for a living.
I needed to decide what I wanted my role as a Grandmother would be.
Would I be a distant Grandmother that my grandchildren would see during the holidays and for summer vacations. Or…did I want to be a Grandmother that knew my grandchild really well.
A grandmother that would be there when needed.
A grandmother that made it a point to see their grandchild on a weekly basis.

I needed to decide…

Dad, Your Boys are Watching

old door with glass windows

Dads your boys are watching you!
They see how you are treating the ladies around you.
They see that you opened the door for your family members and then stayed behind to keep the door open for that single lady walking in or that old person struggling to walk.
Your boys see that!
Thank you for letting them see your kindness.
Thank you for opening the door.

Love and hugs,

Randomly,

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