Category Archives: Random Stories


Dad’s PSA Test | #193


Today is a great day to be grateful!

Dad had cancer in his prostate at the beginning of the year and then had surgery to remove the cancer.

Then he took another PSA test and his test came out a 5. Not good! That meant the cancer was back.

So the doctors put him on hormone therapy which is suppose to kill the cancer.

Guess what?!

We just got the results back from his latest PSA test and it is a 1. A one! Yippee! His PSA test came out as a one!

That is good news. That means the hormone treatment is doing its job.

Dad, sorry you have to deal with hot flashes! Welcome to my world! But Dad, isn’t it worth it to get rid of that ugly cancer?!

365 Day Project: Gratitude Bucket
Day #193 I am grateful for Dad’s cancer to go away!

Circa 2010 picnic-dad plays baseball

Cedars-Sinai Heart Transplant Unit Picnic and Baseball | #177

Today was the Cedars-Sinai Medical Center Heart Transplants annual picnic and baseball game for patients that were fortunate enough to receive a new heart.

My Dad was fortunate to receive a new heart several years ago.

Dad wasn’t sure that he would make it to the event this year because he wasn’t feeling well. Hence, I didn’t go down to be with him this year. He did go today. He didn’t play baseball though; he just wasn’t up to it.

It isn’t his heart that is causing him to not feel well…it is other things that I will write about one day.

Today I am grateful that my Dad was able to attend the Cedars-Sinai Medical Center Heart Transplants Annual Picnic and Baseball game. The doctors and staff are definitely dedicated to the patients and have a love for their career.

In honor of my Dad, I thought I would share a few of my favorite photos from last years event that I was able to attend. Last year, Dad was feeling really good and played some baseball. It was the doctors and staff against the patients. Of course, some how the patients always win.

Pictures are Circa 2010.

Here’s to you, Dad! Love you!

I am grateful for all the dedication, love and hard work that Cedars-Sinai provides their patients and family.
I am grateful because of this dedication, that my Dad is still living here on this earth!

decorated luminaria bags

Luminaria Ceremony: American Cancer Society’s Relay for Life

There were a lot of children participating in the West Sacramento American Cancer Society’s Relay for Life event. Some who were inflicted with the awful disease but many who had family members that were battling the disease or had lost their life to it. These kids especially touched me as they spoke about their loved ones.

10 year old decorates luminaria bags

One young ten year old especially touched my heart as I was able to work with her at the Luminaria table. She volunteered a few hours decorating bags for loved ones who were not able to decorate their own bags. She had told me about many family members that had cancer. Her aunt got cancer awhile she was pregnant and lost her baby. Her papa whom she was the closest to of all the grandchildren, lost his life to cancer. Her story was of determination to fight the cancer. She knew by giving her time to this event that we would be that much closer to fighting this deadly disease that has impacted her young life.

5 year old carries luminaria bags for Relay for Life

Another little boy, only five years old, he was a doll! He helped us load all the luminaria bags onto the trailer for distribution around the field. He placed each bag so carefully as if he was remembering each person that the bag represented. It was quite amazing to watch. He looked at each bag and was sure to place the artwork in one direction. I later caught up with him awhile he was selling light sticks for the evening show to thank him for his hard work and diligence. He understood why he was at the event. At his young age of five, he had been impacted by the disease. He was there to help fight it.

Kids help at the American Cancer Society Relay for life.

Kids help at the American Cancer Society Relay for life.

Kids help at the American Cancer Society Relay for life.

Many young adults were there lending a helping hand. They were there because they are givers and wanted to help. Yes, Mom and Dads, your young adults have kind hearts. Yes, America, there are good people out there…our kids are not what the news always represents. There is so much more then what we hear on the news. These young adults helped all Friday evening to set up, returned Saturday morning at 6am to help and stayed until 10pm. (I am sure they showed up Sunday to help break everything down, too!) They stayed working…and giving from their heart. They didn’t have to be there. Many of their parents were not there. These young adults were there because they had heard about the event from a friend and decided to be part of the Relay for Life.

Kids help decorate luminaria bags at the American Cancer Society Relay for life.

Another Mom and her young daughter worked with me all day at the luminaria table. They were there because they knew the event volunteer coordinator and she had mentioned the event. They didn’t have any plans that day so they thought they would come out for a few hours to help. They got so wrapped up in the event that they volunteered for 13 hours! From a few hours to 13 hours! Why did they stay that long? They got trapped (in a good way) to the energy of the day. They were surrounded by love and enthusiasm for life and hope…hope that there would be a cure for cancer one day.

There was so much positive energy during the day as the music played in the background and relay groups continued to walk around the track. Some walked in solitude awhile others walked in big groups.

decorated luminaria bags

cancer family member decorates luminaria bag

Did I do a bag for my Dad?  I have to confess I did not. I thought about it. I wanted to do a bag but yet I didn’t. I hadn’t volunteered there because of my Dad. I had volunteered there because of all the other families. Besides I didn’t want to deal with my emotions that day. I was there to serve, to listen, to show compassion. I watched as many people decorated their bags. Some smiled because their bags were in honor of someone who was cancer free for several years. But there was those who you could tell it was hard to sit and write the name of the loved one they had lost…the one they were writing in memory of…. Lots of emotions went into those bags.

This day wasn’t about me.
It wasn’t about my Dad and the cancer he suffers with.

This day was giving, listening and being present for others.

I will come back to this event some day not as a volunteer but as a participant. Some day when I want to honor my Dad for all the cancer battles he has fought…but for this day only….I am thinking about all the other people that are here and the burdens on their heart and in their mind because of this nasty ugly deadly disease.

Yes, during the luminaria ceremony, I shed a tear or two for my Dad but I quickly shut those tears off and focused on all the loved ones that were on that football field…at that moment.

I hope each and everyone of you keep moving forward to helping fight this battle. It would be awesome to say that we have conquered this ugly disease. That the event is now….a Relay of Life NOT a Relay of life to fight cancer.

Thank you to all the volunteers and relay teams for allowing me to experience your stories, your emotions and your love. I will carry your stories in my heart…..

Holding on to HOPE…..


It’s Father’s Day and I Still Have My Dad! | #170

It is Father’s Day!


I still have my Dad!

Those two things make me very grateful!

dad at heart transplant doctor's office

Even though my Dad has to go to the doctors a lot, I am still lucky because he is still alive!

card from my dad

My Dad is very thoughtful and is often sending me cards.

He writes Pamelia
My name is Pamela
All these years and he never knew that he spelled my name wrong.
I never told him.
I am Pamelia to my Dad and that is ok by me!

Hang in there, Dad! We have more Father’s Days to celebrate!

Love you,

365 Day Project: Gratitude Bucket | Day # 170

Mom and Dad

I Am NOT Letting Go Yet, Daddy!

Mom and Dad
Dad couldn't do it without Mom...she is a great advocate for him.

It has been six months since I wrote the last story about my Dad.

That wasn’t my intention to let six months go without talking about him.

My Dad wants his story told and I want to tell it.

What has happened the last six months is: I have been very angry!

I have been angry because I don’t like seeing my Dad go through medical problems. It is not fair. He has had his share! Can’t he just enjoy life for a while?

I was angry because I was afraid my Dad was giving up because of the humiliation of the prostate cancer. I had never seen my Dad so down since his twenty year old son was killed.

You see, since that last post, he has undergone prostate surgery. I know a lot of men go through prostate surgery. I know that. I do! He has also had an incident in the hospital when all his vitals went crazy just a few months ago that I will talk about in another post.

You see this surgery was really hard on my Dad…emotionally. He has had a very hard time accepting the fact that he wouldn’t have control of his bodily fluids and may never have that control again. That has been hard on him. (And quite frankly it has been hard on me because my Dad has always been there for me…emotionally.)

Dad is macho in his 5’5″ body! A good macho…not the arrogant kind of macho. I will tell you some stories later about his macho or heroic acts that he has performed with his 5’5″ body.

Dad was not dealing with the fact that he may not ever have control over his bodily fluids.

BUT Dad, he is a trooper. He has made it through the surgery and the humiliation for the few months after as he kept Depends in business. He was a trooper.

Dad is a trooper. (I am not going to share any more about the surgery right now. I don’t think Dad is ready to share that whole story yet but I hope he will soon so that other men that may be going through the same surgery will know what it is like to deal with the physical and emotional obstacles they will go through.)

A few months after Dad’s prostate surgery, he had a PSA test done. The score came out high…again. #@%*#

I was angry.

The doctors said let’s just wait a little to see if the PSA number goes down….it might have been too soon after his prostate cancer surgery the doctors told us.

So we waited another month and had the test done again.

It came out high…again! @$%^&*

We don’t know where the cancer is. It could just be a little molecule floating around Dad’s body and hasn’t planted itself anywhere yet.

So now…

Now he is on hormone therapy. Hormone therapy is supposed to kill the cancer.

I will continue to pray. I will continue to work on my anger.

Dad says, “Don’t worry Pam, I still have work to do on this earth. My time hasn’t come.”

I am going to hold on to those words because….darn it! I AM NOT READY TO GIVE MY DAD AWAY!

I am not going to say these words to you yet, Dad!

I am not ready. I know I am a middle aged empty nest Mom but I still need you!

I am not ready to let go.

Love you, Dad!

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