Is it Failure or Part of the Journey? His Plan?

On the Road

The last two years I have spent learning.

Not listening. Learning.

I was taking an opportunity put in front of me to educate myself for a new career path.

When I was laid off from my job (what a humbling experience that is), I decided it would be a great time to explore other career opportunities.

I took a medical terminology class for starters. I did well in the class–received an A. I also received some knowledge about what I didn’t want to do with my life. I explored being an Occupational Therapist and an Ultra Sound Technician but I discovered that my stomach wouldn’t be able to take those jobs. I interviewed workers in these fields. The Occupational Therapist told me some patients are not able to control their bodily functions. The Ultra Sound Technician informed me it isn’t just about the pregnant moms, you can be put in the Emergency Room where someone comes in all cut up. Enough said here, I barely could clean up my own kids bodily functions when they were little. No way that I can be around a strangers! Bless you Ultra Sound Technicians and Occupational Therapist. Bless you for being able to do that job!

I then stumbled upon an Internet Marketing Class at University of San Francisco. This sounded interesting. I didn’t know much about the computer then. I did not understand what the whole Internet Marketing business was at the time…but it sounded interesting. I decided to take one class and I was hooked. I could not believe what I was learning. It was very interesting.

One class led to another and before you knew it I had a Master Certificate in Internet Marketing.

A Certificate in Internet Marketing…now what?

I felt like I needed to know more about web design and programming to really be able to do an Internet Marketing job well. I need to know how to blog and write HTML code and CSS.

I decided I would go back and take…more classes! I signed up for a web design and programming program. I loved that program! The classes were self-paced and I completed each course faster than anyone had done before me. Wow! I am on to something! This is going to be great! I received my certificate in web design and programming.

I started building my own websites. Oh, my goodness! Buildiing websites are a lot harder when you don’t have a lesson plan and an instructor to call upon every time you get stuck.

This is really hard…this web design business.

I volunteered to help many companies with their websites/blogs. I added SEO and got many of them within the first page for their keywords.

During this volunteer web design position, I discovered something about myself.

I need people!

I need people to intereact with.

I need people to talk to.

I need people…not a machine.

I don’t like having a relationship with my computer.
I don’t like being alone with my computer.
I don’t want to do web design and programming for a living.

But wait! I have just spent the last two years developing these skills (and confidence) for this new career.

If I quit now, I am a failure. A failure!Cattle Ranch Gal stuck in the mud.
I have never looked at any bump in the road or detour as a failure.

I have looked at all these twist and turns and bumps and detours as part of His plan.

His plan! Not my plan! His plan!

His plan of teaching me lessons in order to help others in the future.

Now I can choose to look at my situation as a failure or I can choose to look at it as part of His plan.

Maybe I needed to go through these classes to learn skills for something bigger and better.

Everything is always bigger and better when you Believe. When you have Faith. When you walk His way.

So as I decide today that I am no longer going to pursue a career in web design and programming, I AM going to pursue a life and career that follows His journey for me. His road. His dream for me. I will be the facilitator. I will let his words flow through me. I will listen. I will trust. I will have faith. Without any of that….I am alone.
 
 

Is it Failure or Part of the Journey?

Is it failure or is it part of the journey; part of His plan?

Road goes on and on....

The journey…
The long journey of life…
The unknown routes that are put in front of us…
The twist and turns…

The twist and turns that we don’t know about…

The twist and turns of life.

The twist and turns of His plan.

There is a reason for every one of us on this earth.
There is a reason why we are faced with certain trials and tribulations.
There is a reason certain people come in and out of our lives.

It is all part of His plan for us.

His plan!

We are part of that plan.
We get to make our own decisions.
We get to decide if we want to be on His road or our own.

But what I have come to find out as a middle aged empty nest mom…

It is a whole lot easier if you go His way!
It is a whole lot easier if you just have faith and go His way!
His way!

We all know His way will be the best way…
at least in the long run.

Ok, I know, it is the best way in the short run, the long run, all the time!

Why Won’t That Door Open?

Old Rugged Door
Why won’t that door open?

I have always had faith that when one door closes another one opens.

My life has been full of closed and open doors. My experieince has been that the doors open rather quickly when another one closes.

I tell myself and have trained my kids to believe “When God closes one door, He will open another and it will be bigger and better than the one that closed.” I think we have all heard those words.

I truly believe them.

I am just having some doubts right now.

This is the longest he has ever kept a door closed on me.

Why can’t he just open a door wide open for me. I obviously am not picking the right doors. I have lost my touch. Or is it that I have been so bull headed that I wanted a door to open that just isn’t part of His plan?

I want to trust in Him. No I DO trust in Him. I know that he will open the door for me to my future career and life path…in HIS time!

Have you struggled with doors not opening for you?

 
 

My One Word Blog 63/365 Day Project

I sent one of my girlfriends an e-mail one day and kept using the word “ugh”. I proceeded to tell her that “ugh” was my new word because I was feeling like everything that was going on in my world at the time felt like it ended in “ugh”.

My girlfriend sent me an e-mail back and proceeded to tell me that she didn’t feel “ugh” was a good word to choose and that I should check out this website.

So I did….

This website, My One Word, is focused on people picking one word to focus on for the year.

One word!

What would my one word be?

I like “ugh”! It sounds so….”ugh”!

When you say “ugh”, it is like pushing out that last breath deep in your gut.

I am always up for a challenge when my friends give me advice for change. I figure they see something that I don’t see.

For the next several weeks, I proceeded to think about what my word would be….

I was swimming one day doing my boring laps. My mind wondered and I forgot what lap I was on! The word that came to my head was salvation. Salvation would that be my word? I pondered that word for a few days.

my-word-faith

Yes, salvation is a good word but I think for this year I need something stronger and simple.

I decided to choose the word faith.

With faith, anything is possible!

With faith, I will get through this 365 Day Project.

With faith, I will have something to be grateful for every single day.

With faith, I can be and do anything.

Faith vs Ugh

Ugh vs Faith

I like the word ugh still.

Now when I say ugh I proceed to tell myself…ugh with faith!

Thank you to My One Word blog and my wise girlfriend for encouraging me to pick a word to focus on. Today as part of my 365 Day Project, I am grateful for you!

 
 

Was it the Song?

Was it the song?
Was it the music?
Was it the thinking about all the memories of past churches?

I started thinking about the Presbyterian Church I attended in Long Beach when my kids were young….and all the memories there.

All the love.

All the wonderful people I meant there and I am still friends with.

Welllll….I recently reconnected with most of these people on facebook but I know that when we meet again in person, that love and friendship will be as strong as the last time I saw them. That is the way Christian love and friendship is….
365 Day Project: Presbyterian Church Pews--Filling My Gratitude Bucket | 2/365
I thought about where I was standing here at this church.
In this Presbyterian church with the pews and stained glass.

I was standing on the right side about six rows back; the same location I always stood at when I attended my old church in Long Beach.

I was thinking about the Sunday after my brother was killed and what I felt like…I felt like I was standing in that church all alone.

Well not alone,
I was with Him.
I was trying to understand why this had happened.
I was crying tears of grief knowing that my brothers life was taken for a reason.
It would be for me to discover that reason as life went on.
I would understood that reason as I am later able to relate with others who will loose a mother, father, sibling or a loved one.

I was standing there on the right side, six rows back at this new church listening to the music.
piano key pad

Knowing I had just put the largest plea…I mean prayer…out there.
Knowing I needed to be there at this church at this time.
Knowing I had to give all my faith to Him and He would lead me.
Knowing I would have to trust in the answers and the doors that He is about to put in front of me.

I could feel the tears start to gather.
This has happened before during singing (the tears)….no problem!
They will go away…those tears.
I will just stand here and not sing the words for a few minutes and the tears will go away.

I stood there…listening to the words in the songs.
The tears didn’t stop.
My vision became blurry.

Oh, my!

No tissue! No Sweatshirt!

My bottom lip began to tremble.
This is not going to be good!
These tears are going to flow no matter how hard I try to suppress them.

What should I do?
It is going to be very obvious if I leave but the tears are developing fast!

Quick! Grab your stuff and make a b-line for the side door!
Don’t look around!
Don’t make eye contact!
Just grab your stuff, hold back those tears and get out quick!

I got out of there!
I had my phone in hand ready to call Sissy (I needed to talk to someone) but hung up before I could press send. Sissy is a married woman now. It is Sunday, a day for her and new hubby to spend together. They don’t need a middle aged empty nest mom calling them. I started calling another friend but then…

“Hello? Are you ok?”, she said.

I was caught!
I didn’t escape unnoticed.

I clicked my phone off and relunctantly turned around.

Here came this lady waving a tissue.
She was waving a tissue!!!

“Are you ok?” she proceeded to say.

“Yep, I am fine!”

Now what? What do I do?
Do I keep walking?
I answered her question so I wouldn’t be rude if I kept walking.

That tissue. I could really, really use that tissue! I knew I didn’t have any tissue in my new car yet. Ok, I will stop for a second and grab the tissue and say thank you then be on my way.

So I thought!!!

She wasn’t going to let me just go.
Well she wasn’t holding me down so I could have just left.

She asked me again, “Are you ok?”

“I am fine,” I said.
“Just a few little life changes going on,” I proceeded to tell her.
“Nothing much!” I said, “the songs just touched me a little.” (Good answer, Pam, blame it on the songs!)

She asked me if she could pray with me.

Sure. Anytime someone wants to pray with me or for me I will take it!

I really don’t know what she prayed about because my mind wondered. I just know that during that time of her holding my hands and praying with me I once again felt His presence as I had so many times before. I felt that presence that I had been missing the last few years. I felt that presence that would reasure me that I would be ok.

I knew at that moment that He was back working with me.

Or is it that I finally was allowing Him back trusting in Him and having faith in Him?

The tissue lady continued to talk to me.
She did not seemed hurried to get back into the service.
She was there to listen to me if I wanted to share.
She was there to pray with me if I wanted to pray.
She was there to invite me into their church home baggage and all.
She was there to offer me friendship.
Doors- St Helena Church
The last thing she said, ” I will pray for you. I will pray that the biggest brightest door will open for you soon!” She said, “Please, please come back and please come join one of our ladies groups. No one should be on their own without a church family.”

I do believe I may be making a new step soon on this journey.
This journey of life.
Sure glad I am letting Him lead the way.
I don’t like leading by myself…that’s another lesson I have learned.

Have I found home again?
Is home wherever I am with Him?

Sidenote: The name of the new church I visited is Journey Presbyterian Church. Their tagline on their website is “Faith is a journey…not a destination!”

Glad I am not on this journey by myself! I have Him and all my wonderful loving friends and family! Thanks for being in my life! Thanks for being a part of my journey! Thank you to the tissue lady for reaching out!

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